Dear The Porcupine

Dear the Porcupine,

Thank you for being so pointy and having so many bristles. I would like to use you as something to keep business cards separated on my desk. I also would like to note that I have not accidentally run over a porcupine in my car. Please don’t poke me for others’ wanton and rampant driving. Your name is funny!

I wonder if you’re good at blowing up balloons. Probably not! I’ll bet you’d try to help but end up popping more than your fair share.

Some people think you can throw your quills, but they’re wrong! It’s just a rumor! Can you use your quills to write if you dip them in ink? I bet that’s handy when it comes to writing letters. Letters like this one.

Does the postman get hurt when he tries to get your envelope from you? I bet he does. But he probably understands. Maybe next time you can just leave it on the ground and walk away, rather than trying to hand it to him. Because I know you want to be cordial, but it would save him hundreds of dollars in pricey bandage fees.

Have a good day,

Andy

p.s. Wikipedia says you’re slow, but you’ll always be first in the race for my heart.