First impressions: And now, a chicken!
Last night at Rafifi during a quick interlude between stand-up sets, I got up to refresh my beer. I stroll into the bar area after deciding that merely walking was no good. After all, there were countless hipsters about trying to tussle their hair so it was purposefully messy - I wanted to make a good impression.
As I made my way to the bar and got out my wallet, a girl stood to my left, and shortly thereafter a dude stood behind her. The bartender, pretty hot but pretty not-so-great at bar tending speed, came over and gave the three of us the “who’s next look?”
I tried to be nice and indicate the lady should go first, she tried to be nice and motion that I had the primo place in line, and during this nonsense the guy behind us goes ahead and orders his drink:
Andy: Uh, what?
Girl: Did that guy just cut BOTH of us?
Andy: Oh, Jesus, you’re cut? (checks himself for lacerations) No, no I seem to be okay…thank God!
Girl: What?
Andy: I can’t get cut, I am too pretty. You are…well you’re about a 6. Probably would just add a little intrigue.
Girl: That is quite possibly the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Andy: Wow, I find that hard to believe.
Girl: Asshole!
Andy: Kiss me!
Girl: Ew no! I’m leaving!
Naturally the conversation didn’t really go like that. But long story short, she turned down me buying her a drink after essentially chatting me up. How weird is that? From now on, my first impression will just be to cluck and flap my arms like wings.