Everything is catching on fire.

I’m at a breaking point, in a good way. Shoving back for once. Realizing potential for once. I’ve stared so long over the cliff that the chasm is starting to seem too deep to do any damage, or a mirage meant to trick my brain and keep me from jumping. I’m getting a feeling like taking this plunge will be more like falling up. Falling up at a rate faster than I can imagine, whisking me towards an infinite liberation painted by starry skies. Not that I don’t have to prepare for clouds, rain, and even thunder but those things are on their way down. And I’m falling up past them and through them.

There’s a fire. It started a long time ago in the recesses of my mind, a spark I thought I could ignore. But it’s been spreading. It’s made me jittery and afraid as I stand next to this chasm-mirage because there is no where to go. It’s been getting more and more virulent. Spreading rapidly, lighting everything ablaze. It’s everywhere now and all it wants is to throw me over that ledge, and up into the chasm. It shouts at me:

“What are you doing?”

“What’s taking so long?”

“Just jump!”

And more of the same. It’s talking so loudly now; over the part of me pleading to keep holding on. That if I let go I’ll surely plummet into the depths of the unknown forever scarred, maimed and forgotten.

It shouts that I’m already scarred. That I’ve already been maimed and limping about for years. And to be forgotten surely you have to make yourself known first.

So here I am, caught at the edge of a chasm. And everything is catching on fire.

The pursuit.

This morning something occurred to me that sums up my feelings about goals, creativity, and life in general. Initially I was surprised that it took me so long to have this realization, but after closer examination and using the keen perspective of hindsight it appears I haven’t been focused on much of anything until about 9 months ago.

What I’m talking about is pursuit. Naturally we all know the infamous ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,’ but what occurred to me finally, at the age of 28 (28!) is the pursuit. The pursuit of it.

What an amazing word and an amazing phrase: The pursuit of happiness. Not the hopes of happiness, not the dreams or the goal setting or the ambition of happiness. The pursuit of happiness.

It’s a great phrase because pursuit indicates forward motion. It indicates action. Going after something, working, being active towards achieving something. Then I understood everything I’ve read lately and everything I’ve achieved and not achieved and why it did or didn’t happen. And it all boils down to pursuit.

Pursuit is the reason I hate television. It’s the reason I don’t want to be surrounded by negative people, uncreative people, and people who make excuses, fear failure, or create limits and barriers for themselves and others.

Pursuit does not allow room for any of those things to be substantial. It obliterates them. It is the ultimate problem solver.

In my efforts to be more positive, more helpful, more creative, and in general happier, I’m going to start applying the pursuit rule to my life by simply asking myself:

Am I truly pursuing my happiness right now?

To be quite honest, I’m scared. There are a lot of things that I am not pursuing right now, or that I don’t pursue enough and there are a lot of things I do that distract me from pursuing happiness. This is new for me – for years believing that anyone can achieve anything, yes, but believing and pursuing are two different things. Believing is easy. Pursuing is work.

I’m starting small and I’m starting today. One phone call, ten more minutes of time, a few more steps in the right direction. In a year I hope to be in a full sprint, ahead of the pack and running up front with the winners; those who are happy because they pursue it. I want to leave the dreamers behind once and for all.