Well, at least I think I’m funny.

A lot of people think Valentine’s Day is some ridiculous “Hallmark Holiday” and come up with various reasons to hate it. The problem is, the only real reason anyone hates Valentine’s Day is because they don’t have a Valentine. They’re covering up the fact that they don’t have a date with the excuse that it’s not a real holiday or they don’t believe in how commercialized it is. Right. Because NO other holiday I can think of is commercialized. Then when they do have a date or a signifigant other on V-Day, they’re happier than Franklin at Snausage Hour.

Some people will tell you they’re not like that. They don’t EVER like Valentine’s Day. To me, these are the tremendously stupid. I can MAYBE see not liking it if you’re single and alone, MAYBE, but to actively be anti-V-day when you’re coupled? Get over yourself. Have some fun, be crazy.

I can’t remember hating Valentine’s Day ever. It’s great to see happy people everywhere at a time of the year other than Christmas or free cone day at Ben and Jerry’s. Couples get an excuse to baby each other and the other cool thing is that gifts aren’t usually expensive. Some flowers, maybe some candy - I’m sure some people give really expensive stuff but I always look at Valentine’s Day as very much a “thought that counts” holiday.

Whenever I picture someone that hates Valentine’s Day, I always just think they must be a huge a jerk. Because if you can’t find a reason to be happy, then you might as well just die:

(Andy is walking down the street and runs into Person, who hates Valentine’s Day)

Person: (shouting) Get outta my way!

Andy: (shouting back) Are you talking to me?

Person: Yes!

Andy: Oh…why?

Person: Stop shouting at me!

Andy: But you’re across the street and there is a lot of traffic!

Person: Shutup!

Andy: Alright. I’m not sure why I am even talking to you.

Person: …

Andy: …

Franklin: ….hello!

Andy: Franklin?

Person: I hate Valentine’s Day!

Franklin: Oh, that’s terrible! Why do you hate Valentine’s Day?

Andy: Franklin, what are you doing over there?

Franklin: I’m talking to this guy!

Andy: I’m crossing the street.

Person: I hate Valentine’s Day because it’s so commercial! So I wear black! Because it’s awesome! And I am filled with hate!

Franklin: I’m filled with jelly beans!

Andy: Franklin! Who gave you jelly beans?!

Franklin: The Valentine’s Day bunny.

Andy: There is no such thing, Franklin.

Franklin: What?!

Andy: The Easter Bunny gives out jelly beans. There is no bunny, or any other mammal in the leporidae family, associated with Valentine’s Day. Typically, it is a small baby that flies and shoots arrows of love into people - his name is Cupid.

Franklin: Maybe it was a turtle…

Person: Hey! Is anyone listening to me?!

Andy: A turtle?

Franklin: Yeah. Is there a Valentine’s Day turtle?

Andy: No. Just cupid.

Franklin: Well, I certainly would’ve noticed a flying rabbit shooting jelly beans at me.

Andy: No Franklin, it’s a flying baby shooting ar-

Franklin: If I could fly I wouldn’t shoot people with jellybeans. The potential for injury and liability there is just too great. I would just drop Snausages from above.

Andy: Probably a good plan Franklin.

Franklin: Probably! Well, I’m gonna go see if I can find that turtle who gave me the jelly beans again. He carries his house on his back!

Andy: *exasperated sigh*

Person: ….this conversation wasn’t about Valentine’s Day at all.

Andy: You’re still here?

Person: Yeah. But not for long. I’m going with that dog to see if I can help him find the Valentine’s Day Jelly Bean-dispensing flying rabbit-turtle-baby.