Here is a list of things you might have forgotten about:
1. Magic the Gathering – remember that kid in high school? Sure ya do. He was chubby and had pimples and glasses, undoubtedly could be relied on for genius as well as entertainment at lunch (due to his lack of coordination), and most likely played clarinet or french horn in band. Well he also loved Magic the Gathering. This card game featuring medieval beasts, spells and heroes was all the rage for those kids for whom high school life was trite and unimportant. A bastion of hope in nerd-dom, this game allowed even the scrawniest of Learning Enrichment kids hours of entertainment from actual game play, to deck-making, to trading/stealing cards from your friends/enemies (respectively)…did I mention I played Magic? Don’t worry I wasn’t a freak about it – I only played it to take a break from Dungeons and Dragons and Mechwarrior.
(Oh you silly nerds! She’d never go for a guy like you. I mean can you imagine? An Argothian Enchantress and a mathlete! I mean sure the children would be magical and intelligent..but the survival skills necessary for fantastic worlds would be completely lacking, not to mention the kid would look terrible in a loin cloth.
2. Frank Stallone – This half-dreamy, untalented singer has far too many albums and many incredibly minor appearances on film. But despite his track record it seems Frank is still struggling for his “big break.” He touts on his website– “Seldom has a performer been strongly considered for an Academy Award in both acting and music, yet Frank Stallone has managed to pull it off.” Yes, he has managed to pull off being considered for awards. Good work Frank. My dog has been considered for awards. Retarded people win awards all the time! Oh well, at least you’ve got your boxing career buddy…but its funny, you kind of look like that other guy…what’s his name? Rocky? Maybe you could start a service impersonating him. I’m pulling for you Frank, I really am.
(We Love ya Frank!)
3. Scarecrow and Mrs. King – Oh Mrs. King you voluptuous vixen of television. The only reason I ever watched this show was because of you. To tell you the truth, I have no idea what this show was even about, and I don’t think any one else knows either. I can only vaguely recall Mrs. King getting frustrated with Scarecrow and hitting him a lot. I’m not really sure how long the show lasted or where the actors are today – probably face down in a trash heap dreaming of the good ol’ “hittin'” days. Scarecrow, Mrs. King, fare the well. I think this is the last time anyone will ever think of you…ever.
(Mrs. King and Scarecrow…not hitting each other for once)
4. Flight of the Navigator – Holy shit. This is the greatest movie of all time. Some kid flies around in a platinum walnut with a cyborg eye and reject muppet as his companions. What could be better? WHAT COULD BE BETTER?!?!…My only question is, why is the Navigator flying? Shouldn’t he be Navigating? To me, this child seems wholly unprepared for this task.
(The box doesn’t lie, this is definitely my idea of the ultimate fantasy.)
(Talk about space-age! The ship’s only weakness are three giant celestial bodies known as Alvinius, Simona, and Theodor.)
PLATINUM WALNUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!