The battle has begun and ended before you even realized it occurred. The votes have been tallied, the bodies have been counted, the test results are in. Andys are cooler than Drews, deal with it.
Andrew has two nickname variations – Andy and Drew. Throughout my life I have had people mistakenly call me Drew which just infuriates me as I’m sure people who call themself Drew get infuriated when they get called Andy*. One thing I have always noticed about people named Drew is that they are complete dicks or incredible losers. I have recently corroborated this with people who all seem to agree – they would rather hangout with anyone they knew named Andy over anyone they knew named Drew (ie: The worst Andy over the coolest Drew).
Drews are guys who trip little kids and steal their candy. They can’t spell and have shitty grammar and they are truly incompetent when it comes to higher levels of math (but curse them for being able to do simple math in their heads quite well). Drews are mean to waitresses and leave them shitty tips.
Drews steal your fries. They date your sister and then break up with her. Drews have the coolest new shoes all the time and don’t realize they are making them completely uncool. Drews are completely uncoordinated. Drews drive nice cars, but not cool nice cars like BMW’s, they drive the girly nice cars like Jaguars.
Drews are completely shallow and self-centered. A Drew would fight a woman…and then loose, and then blame it on being sick or something stupid like that. Drews suck. I once saw a kid named Drew eat poop. It was probably this guy:
Andys rule. Andys play bass and trombone and some of us even play bass trombone. Andys are good with their hands. Andys will make fun of people but no one will care because everyone knows an Andy is just being an Andy and not out to hurt anyone. An Andy will send you flowers just because.
Andys can run pretty fast and some can even jump high. I once saw an Andy slam dunk a basketball. Andys will date your sister and marry her. Andys make poop jokes. Andys don’t really like having their name rhymed with Candy, but surprisingly Andys do love Candy itself. Andys know Karate but aren’t very good at it.
Andys are talented but try not to flaunt their talent. Andys will donate money to charity and give it to people on the street, but not all the time, just sometimes. Andys don’t go around looking for handouts. Andys work hard when they need to but generally take it easy. Andys give great advice. Andys rule.
Sorry Drews, you lose. I realize there the possiblity of some cool people named Drew but for the most part I think the guys who get stuck with the second half of the name come in second to the people with the first half. Its science. What do you think? Think about all the Andys you know and all the Drews. Who is a cooler group?
*Though they shouldn’t because its an incredible compliment.
i do know one cool drew. but just one. i’m glad someone has finally done a scientific study of this.
My friend used to get called Drew by all his friends, but I made him change to Andy. Thank fuck I did! ;)
He’s good at volleyball.
True story.
-Kate.
Kate: you’re a true friend. If he’s truly an Andy he’ll realize this and buy you something shiny (like a fork).
Jazz: Yeah, the lack of evidence was bothering me for years. I decided to finally put my nose to the grindstone and construct a lab…though I can’t say the fact that I get to have lab monkeys wasn’t one of the key motivating factors.