Upgrade Your Brain with Brain Bullet!

Today I got a junk e-mail with the title of this post as it’s subject. For those of you who are disinclined to gaze upward for the less-than-one second it would take to read it, here it is again:

Upgrade Your Brain with Brain Bullet!

I laughed my ass off. Then as I was chasing my fleeing ass down a hill I tripped, fell on a rock, hit my head, and landed squarely on my ass with the idea to write a post about the Brain Bullet without actually reading the junk email. Here then, is that post.

——–start fake email———-

Upgrade Your Brain with Brain Bullet!

Are you tired of going to work everyday, doing the same old job and making the same old mistakes time and again? Do you have trouble remembering people’s names? Do you have to look at a restaraunt menu one or two times before you decide what you want? Do the easy answers come hard for you? Does it take you extended periods of time to become skilled at particular skills?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, or if you answered “no” to all of them, then our product is for you!

What happens during your everyday life is your brain slowly learns your body’s idioms and habits. It then forces you into these habits making it impossible for you to change. That means you need an upgrade.

If you’ve tried upgrading your brain in the past and found it a “tricky mess,” then worry no more. Brain Bullet is a quick operation that even the most mentally sluggish of apes has been able to perform.

Unlike other bullets, the brain bullet is specifically designed for your brain. Here’s how it works:

Your brain upgrade kit includes the “upgrade implantation device”

and not one, but TWO brain bullets!

Then, from the comfort of your own home, you upgrade your brain! Simply sit in your most comfortable chair, aim the upgrade implantation device at your head, pull the “injection lever,” and voi la!

No more painful memories. No more forgetting people’s names. Some even claim to have discovered whether or not there is really a God using Brain Bullet!

Now here’s the kicker. If Brain Bullet doesn’t completely satisfy you, just call us and we’ll refund your money! In fact, we’ll refund 3 times your money!

Still not convinced? Here are some testimonials from people who have used Brain Bullet –

“I was constantly worried about money, but now that I have brain bullet…
*BANG*
auuuuuuuuaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
-Betty Sanders, WI

“My cholesterol was through the roof. I’ve decided to give brain bullet a try….
*BANG* OH GOD! OH MY GOD IT HU—*BANG*”
-Ted Thomas, MA

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! GET DIALING NOW! BRAIN BULLET IS NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES!

—–end fake email——-

Anyway that was just ONE of my stupid ideas today. Also, don’t buy Brain Bullet.