The last time I had a girlfriend was the last time I didn’t feel like an idiot buying clothes. This is a fact. The only time I have ever bought something that didn’t make me feel like a complete idiot was either by accident, or shoes. For some reason I have no problem getting running shoes or dress shoes. Other than that, I’m screwed.
I went to the Ross’ and the Gap today, and the TJ Maxx yesterday and all I came away with was one pair of shoes (and they are very much like my laslt pair of shoes). As I walked out of the GAP store I thought to myself “man, I would’ve spent 200 dollars in that store if someone would’ve just said ‘Here, you’ll look professional, yet still hot in this, wear this to go out, and here is some stuff to wear lounging around that still looks smart. Also here’s the coat you need and girls will think your butt looks good in these jeans.”
That’s what I need. I need a girl to tell me what to buy. Those manequins, I think, are all retailers have come up with to tell us what to wear. And while I think they’re a good guidline, there’s only ever a couple and there’s lots of different crap to choose from in these stores. Also I would feel like a complete fool and bought whatever was on the mannequins.
Instead I want a store with hot girls in it. There will be the preppy girl, the rock’n’roll girl, the jock girl, the business girl, and you will choose which girl will help you shop based on the type of girl you usually date. If you already have a girlfriend, just take her with you to some other store.
After choosing the girl you’ll then tell her what you’re looking for. The girl will then do nothing but lead you around the store by the hand, ask you what your favorite colors are, and then dress you accordingly. I’m talking everything. Pants, shirts, jackets, she’ll get you as many different outfits as you want.
There’ll be some sort of equation like for every pair of pants she gets you a 3 shirts and a jacket type thing that match. Or a sweater, or whatever. The idea being that you don’t have to go shopping again for that season for at least 2 years.
This doesn’t even have to be in a store. It could be a service, like an escort service. You call up and say “yeah I’m gonna need Sandy today for a couple hours. My vacation is coming up and I need clothes, also people at the office are making fun of my Skidz and Zubaz.”
Guys who have girlfriends are truly lucky in this respect. I don’t think I’ve met one girl who’s entire day wasn’t brightened by me saying “ugh, I need some new clothes.” I think that statement is more powerful than any other in a relationship including “I love you” and it might even be more signifigant than an orgasm (though, not 2 orgasms or more).
Until the day comes when my store is built, escort service is created, or some poor girl is stupid enough to date me again, I guess I’ll continue dressing like an idiot (or wearing the stuff I got with my last girlfriend’s supervision).
You wanna go shopping before you leave town biatch? Call me, I’ll tell you what I think
ahhh! this was so cute!
i’ll take you dear. but you might be wiser dropping your pennies before you move to this most expensive city.
so that’s what kid rock meant by “start an escort service for all the right reasons”. Thanks for clearing that up