Whatever happened to having a protractor? Do you remember protractors? I remember protractors. They were like a ruler, with a curve attaching either end, forming a half circle. They came in different sizes too. I got big ones I could put in my hands to make it look like I had axe hands, but that’s not what they were for.
Protractors were used to form angles. You’d put a little dot at the different degrees and then you could draw your angle. It was pretty stupid. Accurate? Maybe. Precise? Enough. Useful? No.
The protactor was something you didn’t need very often, but when you needed it, you ineveitably didn’t have it…or the half circle had broken off one of the ends and your protractor was damaged. A damaged protractor, however, was about as useful as a brand new, undamaged protractor.
I can’t remember the last time I used a protractor. I remember the protractor itself, it was a clear sort of light blue. But not like a girly blue, the shade was dark, but you could see through it. I broke it. But of course continued to use it…or rather, house it in my pencil box in case I needed to use it. Unless I needed to use it – before that point in time, probably just minutes or so, I would have stowed it in my locker because I had decided it was pointless to carry around.
I always wondered about the name of the protractor. Protractor. Pro and tractor. Pro Tractor.
Man: Excuse me kind sir, are you for, or against tractors?
Sir: Why, I’m Pro-tractor!
Man: Excuse me, I need a tractor. But not one the laymen use.
Sir: I have a pro-tractor you could use.
Man: Excuse me, do you like basketball players?
Sir: Why yes!
Man: Hmm. This is all very intriguing. What are your feelings about Robert “The Tractor” Traylor?
Sir: Why, I’m Pro-Tractor for the Pro, Tractor.
Together: *stoic glares*
You see? What good has a protractor done anyone? I’ll answer for you. None. Protractors are useless. Don’t buy one. Not for yourself, not for your kid, not for Robert Traylor. Because you don’t need them…and neither do they…and neither do you.