It’s Dare…only DOUBLED!

I was just thinking about the old show Double Dare that was on Nickelodeon. In case you don’t remember, it was a game show for kids. An extremely easy trivia question (ie: What day is Groundhog’s day?) would be asked of a team. If they couldn’t answer, or thought the other team couldn’t answer, they could dare the other team to answer the question. If that team couldn’t answer the original team would win the money, if they COULD answer they got double the money, if they were really really ballsy, they could Double Dare the other team to answer the question (for THREE TIMES the amount of cash). Then that team could accept, or choose to take the “Physical Challenge” – and therein is where the meat of this post lies.

The Physical Challenge is something that becomes over-looked, under-used, and under-rated in corporate America. I bet there are very few offices, law firms, doctor’s offices, or other businesses that incorporate the idea of a Physical Challenge into their daily routines. This must be rectified. Let’s take a look at how the concept of Physcial Challenges could be integrated into business:

(two men are seated at a conference table in a…conference room, waiting for others to arrive for a big meeting)

Gary: Hey Ted, how’s it goin’?

Ted: Hi Gary. Things are pretty good. Did you take a look at the Jenkins account?

Gary: …the…the what?

Ted: Gary you crazy bastard! The Jenkins account! That’s what this meeting is all about! Don’t tell me you didn’t even read over it once!

Gary: Nope.

Ted: How can you be so relaxed? The boss is gonna KILL you!

Gary: Haha! Ted you poor sap. You haven’t worked here very long. Trust me, I’ll be just fine (Gary gives Ted a knowing wink and a sparkling smile).

(People start to file into the meeting and everyone sits down around the table. The boss walks in and stands at the head)

Boss: So, this Jenkins account is the biggest thing to happen to this firm since 1997. We need everyone here to be on their toes with this thing. I take it you all read it backward and forward…? (the boss looks around questioningly, Ted is nervously twitching in his seat, Gary is grinning, leaning back and tossing popcorn into his mouth). Ted! Did you read the report?

Ted: Y-yes s-sir! I read it cover to cover, front to back, back to front, and then over again!

Boss: Good man! Gary, you look like a man who’s got things under control. Why don’t you summarize the main points of the case for us?

Gary: Sorry Bossman, no can do.

Boss: Wha?! Why not!

Gary: Didn’t read the sum’bitch.

Boss: Again? Gary, this is outrageous, you’re fi-

Gary: I WANT TO TAKE THE PHYSICAL CHALLENGE!!!

(The boss stops mid-sentence. Everyone in the meeting gasps, someone in the hallway eavesdropping loses their grip on a coffee mug – which doesn’t break because the floors are carpeted, but if the floors wouldn’t have been carpeted, there would’ve been a terrible crashing sound.)

Boss: Are you sure?

Ted: What is he talking about?

Boss: (explanitorily) Ted you ignorant asshole. Everyone at this company has the option to take a physical challenge in lieu of doing any actual work. Gary here is a pro, and no matter how challenging physically these physical challenges challenge his physicality, he always manages to pull it off. The catch is, if you can’t complete the physical challenge, you don’t get your next paycheck.

Ted: Wow that is intense…so what is the challenge?

Boss: Today, Gary will be suiting up in either a red or blue jump suit with a white helmet, goggles, elbow pads and knee pads. (the conference room wall splits in two vertically and opens to reveal an electric-blue tiled area).

Boss: Gary today might just be the day you lose your paycheck. You’ll start off by walking up the chocolate sundae-slide, swing from the nose hairs of the giant plastic nose, which will be covered in its mucas. You’ll land on the frozen-custard pond and have to skate across it. Upon reaching the otherside you’ll mount the fork diving-board and plunge into the giant banana-cream pie and find the red flag. You have one minute and thirty seconds. Good luck.

Sure it would be risky for some, and the possibility for accidents is great…and maybe it’d be hard to have an entire room devoted to the set. Sure it would be tough to keep that much banana-cream around for the huge pie…not to mention baking costs. And yes, there’d be a huge mess that’d have to be cleaned up….certainly the personnel to maintain it all wouldn’t be cheap….but in all, I think it’s a can’t-miss idea.