No One Cares

The best part about blogging is that no one really cares what you have to say. Ever. No one cares about your personal life. No one cares about your opinion. No one cares how much you hate your friends. No one cares if you’re consistently unfunny. In fact, if you were to say, delete your whole blog, I’m guessing no one would care. Sure you’d get a message or two “oh we’ll miss you!” or “please come back and write soon!” But really, no one cares.

The fact of the matter is, people don’t really like reading blogs because they care about you. They like reading blogs because they can read them and go “what a freaking idiot.” Or, if they happen to know you, “man that person is just full of shit all the time and is nothing like they claim to be.” In my case its “Wow. He honestly thinks he’s funny? Honestly?” Or they like to hear themselves talk and give advice. It’s human nature. I love giving people advice. It’s great. But does anyone ever listen? No. Because they make up their mind before they even ask you for advice. They already know what they’re going to do. The only reason they follow your advice is if it happens to coincide with what they’re already thinking.

Wouldn’t it be great if people just told your opinion means nothing to them? The world would be a lot better off. The idiots would probably segregated onto their own islands. Man, a whole island just for idiots. Can you imagine? I can…

Andy: Hey friend, how’s it going?

Friend: Oh it’s going great!

Andy: Good to hear. What’s makin’ your life so easy?

Friend: I’m going on vacation this week.

Andy: Oh sweet, where to?

Friend: Idiot Island!

Andy: Oh man, I’ve heard about that place! I’ve always wanted to go there and poke the locals with sticks.

Friend: Yeah I can’t wait. I hear there’s lots of self-important people there to kick.

Andy: Oooh!

Friend: Anyway, the train leaves in 20 minutes so I’d better get a move on.

Andy: Yeah – let me know earlier next time, I’ll come with you. We can laugh at how intellectual they think they are.