Why I don’t vote

Today is voting day. People get up early or leave work early or go on their lunch break and go cast their votes for people that hold positions that don’t really matter to me, other than the fact that my taxes pay their salary and also for the programs they institute that will likely fail or have a very small impact on my everyday life.

But I shouldn’t say “I don’t vote” because it’s not entirely true. I do vote if I think there’s someone out there who deserves it. Someone who isn’t a complete jackass who’s just going to make things worse when they go into office. Someone who doesn’t spout mindless political garbage, answers questions directly, and does what they think is right, not what will get them more votes. Alright, maybe I should say I never vote.

Idiots really bother me. To me, most all politicians are complete idiots…or assholes…or just completely irresponsible. The main reason I can’t vote for these morons is because I think to myself “which person was this in high school?”, “do I think they’ve changed since then?”, and “Am I smarter than them?” I tend to have a high opinion of myself, at least when it comes to doing the right thing and being an overall decent human being – so they typically miss out the latter question. The two former are fairly inconsequential, because typically the answer is “that kid who wanted to be everyone’s friend so he bribed them with candy” and “no.”

And what’s up with the ads on TV? Honestly. Who bases their vote on seeing them? They’re all the same! They just slander the other candidate, or say they don’t slander the other candidate and do it anyway. I want to see a really funny political
ad. Maybe one with a poop joke. Or something like “don’t vote for X guy, he’s a nerd!” I don’t want someone who tiptoes around peoples feelings. Call babies ugly, tell people they’re fat, and for God’s sake outlaw reggaeton.

People that vote get to me too. Telling other people to go out and do their civic duty. Go to hell. I don’t want to have support someone because I hate them less. That’s like me giving you two choices at dinner, and forcing you to like one of them. And the choices are poop and vomit. Vote if you want, cast your worthless opinion, watch your elected official piss away your money on some programs that mean well, and then jack up their salaries and pensions and live in gorgeous apartments.

Chances are my biggest problem in politics is that I don’t know enough about it. I’m sure most of you think I’m some big dullard now who is uninformed. But why is it important for me to be informed about someone else’s opinion? I can see the importance of voting, but not in voting for a lesser of two evils, or between two people who are both going perform at the same amount of ineffectiveness.