It’s difficult thinking you’re smarter than everyone. To be fair though, I think I’m just musically and technologically smarter than everyone. My friends tend to be people who either rival me in these areas or are very smart in other areas – so we compliment each other nicely. But I digress, I merely mean to say that I think I know everything about music and electronics.
I know what you’re thinking – “why do I continually read this blog? It’s terrible!” But give me a chance. You see, my snobdom is completely justified and this is largely due to the following establishments:
1. Best Buy
2. Record labels
3. Circuit City
4. Radio Shack
5. Cable Companies
6. Internet service providers
7. Any sort of “support” line.
Anytime I walk into a Best Buy I automatically know that no one in that store can possibly help me find what I’m looking for. Ever. I once made the mistake of asking someone years ago:
Andy: Hi, I’m looking for a firewire cable that’s mini on one end, and then the regular size on the other.
Best Buy Employee: Firewire?
Andy: …yeah, you know, looks like a big USB connection kind of.
BBE: Our USB cables are-
Andy: No. It LOOKS like a USB cable. It is NOT a USB cable.
BBE: Oh, yeah, I know what that is, follow me…
I follow the guy to some shelves where he promptly removes a USB cable from a hook and hands it to me. I look at him in utter amazement at his stupidity.
Andy: This is a USB cable.
BBE: Yeah, I think that’s what you want.
Andy: …no. FIREWIRE. It’s also called IEE1394.
BBE: I don’t think that even exists, and if it does, we don’t have it.
Flabberghasted I turn and leave him to his USB-cable wonderland of incredible idiocy, where Captain Moron presides over the residents of Simpletown and fends off knowledge and comprehension skills and keeps everyone at a 1st-grade reading level.
5 minutes later I find the exact cable I need and leave.
This happens all the time. I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked into one of the above establishments and overheard the salespeople and customer service people selling the entirely wrong thing to people because they have no idea what they’re talking about. I always intervene. The salesperson ALWAYS insists they’re right and naturally the customer believes them over me (and who wouldn’t? That polo shirt and wrinkled khaki pants just shriek “I’m a sophisticated professional.”) and they buy the wrong thing.
I just shake my head and think “yeah, I’m real sure Vanilla Ice here knows exactly what he’s doing and doesn’t spend 6 hours a day smoking weed and polishing his bling, dreaming of the day he can put huge rims and an even huger spoiler on the back of his used Honda Civic and blast dance music or reggaeton from his car, tripping on E, and dancing with glowsticks.”
Don’t even get me started on cable companies and their ridiculous “customer support” lines. I love that the first question they ask is “did you try turning off your computer and turning it back on?”
HEY JERK. YES. EVERYONE TRIES THAT. ITS THE FIRST THING WE DO.
For some reason they never believe me either. “Well, can you do it again for me now?” I usually say no and tell them to skip to the more complex steps. They typically get lost and confused after I tell them everything I’ve tried and just end up telling me they “need to go do some research” and put me on hold for 20 minutes while they put the phone down and try to plug up the steam coming from their brains for having participated in a conversation with someone who’s problem can’t be solved by plugging something in or unplugging something that shouldn’t be plugged in.
To end on a positive note, I would like to give major props to Cingular. Despite my hatred of their recently-lousy phone selection, their customer service is stellar. If someone doesn’t know how to solve my problem, they connect me to someone who does. No matter how complex my questions get, their tech-guys always know the answer. It’s great.
Don’t even get me started on the music/record labels thing.