As you all know my phone is tiny and slim and is of Samsung in make. Recently I have made a purchase of the same brand but of different electronic breed. I’m going to call him “Big Sam.” By now you have guessed that my phone will be “Little Sammy” or “Sam Jr.” No -my Davis.
I have been waiting for Big Sam now for…just about 10 days or so. He’ll be a great addition to my electronimly. That’s my word for “electronic family.” Man, I am a huge nerd…a huge nerd with a robot for a dad! Not really. Anyway, I have been waiting for Big Sam, as I said before I got into my robo-heritage, and arrangements with the shipping company have been frustrating at best.
First it was supposed to be delivered on Monday. Then I found out it was being delivered to their dispatch on Monday and I could set a drop-off time for today. Today I call at 10 and they say the trucks have already left to make their NYC deliveries so I have to wait until tomorrow. It is very, very frustrating, and something I can only convey in, well, you probably know what’s coming:
(sitting on his couch, waiting for the buzzer to ring)
Andy: I just want my damn TV…so I can SMASH it over their heads!
(buzzer buzzes, Andy let’s guy in to deliver Big Sam)
Delivery Guy: Hello sir, here’s your T–
(Andy grabs TV and smashes it over DG’s head)
Andy: WHO’S GOT THEIR TV NOW!?
DG: No one. You just smashed yours over my head.
Andy: YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT!
DG: Sir. You are ridiculous.
Andy: AM I?!? Or are YOU the one who is ridiculous for making me wait to play video games?!?!
DG: I didn’t make you wait. This is just how we work.
Andy: WITH TVs ON YOUR HEAD?! How unprofessional!
DG: Sir, i think you should go now. i am calling security.
Andy: But this is my apartment!
DG: Nevertheless. The police are on their way.
Andy: You come here, and smash my TV, and then call the police?!
DG: What? Sir, you smashed the TV on my head!
Andy: That’s not what Edgar will say, right Edgar?
(Andy looks over to couch where no one is sitting, then turns back to DG smirking craftily and nodding his head slightly.)
DG: …there’s no one there.
Andy: Don’t you call my friend a nobody!
DG: Uh, I didn’t…there just quite obviously is not a person sitting on that couch.
Andy: (considers this)…you may be right or you may be wrong. Now leave, before I render you supine!
DG: (sighs and turns to go)
(Andy quickly runs to his window and awaits DG’s exit from the building, then, leaning out the window…)
Andy: Oh, hey, Delivery Guy!
DG: My name is —
(Delivery Guy is splashed with a large amount of water from above)
Andy: You forgot your dolly!
DG: (under his breath, turning to walk away) …but that was a bucket of water…
(The dolly then falls on the man’s head)
So Big Sam, I know you’re sitting in Newark right now. I hope you’re anticipating myself and Little Sam as much as we’re anticipating seeing you. It will be glorious. But until then? Don’t liquify those crystals of yours for anyone.