Punch a retard, impress a moron.

In light of recent news I’ll be talking politics today. Not MY politics, mind you, but politics in general…and why I hate politics and think they’re so utterly useless.

In the article linked above (in case you don’t like to click things for fear that, yes, there is, in fact, actually a mouse in that device on your desk and clicking it hits it with a tiny hammer which causes a reflex reaction to press a button sending the signal to the computer, powered by gerbils, who then are coerced with electrocution to run which sparks the inter-web to go to your desired destination) we see a perfect example of why I don’t like politics and politicians.

Before I continue I’d like to state that I am not choosing this article because Hilary is a democrat. I’m choosing it because I simply don’t think she’s a good candidate, and because I find it a good example of why she isn’t, and also why politics are annoying.

Alright, so basically Hilary had a reaction to a question that suggested that her husband, you may know of him, Bill Clinton, former President, is an evil man. Comparable to the likes of O-sam-sam, Saddam, and Kim Jong Il. Here are my issues with this:

1) She is deriding a former President and comparing him to ruthless, heartless, hairless, tactless, class-less, head-less, ball-less, cowardly, moronic, egotistical dictators murderers.

2) This former President also happens to be her husband. So much for being tough and great for standing by him. Not that we didn’t all know she was just sticking around to help her public opinion.

3) Then she blows it off and says she was thinking something completely different. Which is fine and I’d be tempted to believe that (if I had one less brain than I already do), except she also says:

“Oh, come on. I don’t think anybody in there thought that. I thought I was funny. You know, you guys keep telling me, ‘Lighten up. Be funny.’ You know, I get a little funny and now I’m being psychoanalyzed.”

Okay, so you weren’t talking about Bill…but wait, if you weren’t talking to Bill, then who was the joke about? You see what you did there? You tried to cover up with two different, idiotic defenses. That’s where you went wrong. Because together they make no sense. Why didn’t you just say: “Get it? Because Bill was an asshole and cheated on me!”

4) The best part about this whole thing is how much the good people of Iowa enjoyed this little quip! They actually think she’s a better person or more qualified or something, because of this joke! Really? That’s what it takes? Here’s what one Iowa…oian…?…says at the end of the article:

“I’m very impressed. Barack Obama will have to show something above and beyond to surpass what I heard today,” said Sandra Frericks, a retired financial planner from Bluegrass, Iowa.

Yes Mr. Obama, you’re sure gonna have to come up with a good “Yo Mamma” joke to nudge Hilary from the hearts and minds of America now. Although Ms. Frericks did say “show something,” so maybe she’s hoping for something more along the lines of a break-dance fight between Obama and anyone who dares challenge him.

Stay tuned to the news when McCain lines up the world’s 6 strongest retarded people and punches them in the stomach to show how “strong” of a President he’ll be. I hear Sandra is scalping front row seats to the event.