Because I’m a genius.

I wrote this post months and months ago but due to some negative results I took it down. Now I’m reposting it because you should all know what a genius I am.

Dating is probably a relatively foreign concept to most of the people in my age group. Not in the sense that we don’t go on dates, but because the word “dating” itself doesn’t mean anything. It is useless. When you first meet someone you go out several times (so you’re dating) and try to be funny and nice on the first few dates to sucker the person across from you into making out later. If you hit it off, things start to go well you start to spend a lot of time with the person(so you’re dating). Progress further and you enter into boyfriend/girlfriend territory (so you’re dating).

I was talking with my good buddy the Brewer yesterday and we both decided that “relationships” have reached a new and idiotic trend. All of a sudden, girls don’t want a “serious relationship.” Yeah, she still wants to see you all the time and go out and make out etc, but she doesn’t want it to be serious.

Not being in a “serious relationship” (last time I’m putting it in “”‘s because it gets annoying) seems to entail the following:

1) Seeing one person exclusively
2) Filling various duties like going to dinner, planning dates, and being supportive.
3) Being introduced as “My friend Andy”

Alright, for those of you who don’t know, here is what being a boyfriend is like:

1) Seeing one person exclusively
2) Filling various duties like going to dinner, planning dates, and being supportive.
3) Being introduced as “My boyfriend Andy ”

Yes, the ladies have to make sure that when they introduce you you’re regarded as merely “a friend” so that all the other males think that they’re still available and should openly flirt with and pursue them. Because after all, it isn’t a serious relationship.

This isn’t so bad – I mean aside from the fact that it’s made known to everyone you’re introduced to that you’re not good enough to be considered a boyfriend and that she’s keeping her options open until the guy she really wants comes along – but I know if I were to go on a date with some other girl I would no longer be in an uncommitted, non-serious relationship with the person who doesn’t want to be serious with me. She’d probably be mad because I’m not taking things serious enough.

In efforts to clarify positions for everyone involved in these situations I’d like to advise that “dating” not be taken seriously at all:

Andy: Well, that was a good dinner don’t you think?

Girl: Yeah, it was fun. Want to come back to my place?1

Andy: No. I have some more dates to go on.

Girl: Seriously?

Andy: No, not seriously.

Girl: You mean you seriously don’t have other dates?

Andy: No.

Girl: What?

Andy: I seriously have other dates to go on.

Girl: I don’t-

Andy: The other dates I’m going on are not serious.

Girl: Oh…well…but you’re still going on other dates?

Andy: What’s wrong?

Girl: Well, we’ve been dating for a little while now and –

Andy: Yeah, but things aren’t serious. That’s why I am dating other people and tickled you with that feather.

Girl: Who are you going on dates with?

Andy: In efforts to follow your guidelines, I sought out some more non-serious people to date.

Girl: What?

Andy: Well next I’m going to meet this funny clown. She has a flower that sprays water! Then I’m going on a date with a hippopatomous trainer – hahaha, hippopatomous!

Girl: So you’re dating people that aren’t serious?

Andy: Right.

Girl: I don’t understand why the hippopatomous trainer isn’t serious.

Andy: HIPPOPATOMOUS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! (Andy doubles over in laughter)

Girl: I’m very confused.

Andy: Exactly. Because we’re dating.