A lot of people think Valentineâ€™s Day is some ridiculous â€œHallmark Holidayâ€ and come up with various reasons to hate it. The problem is, the only real reason anyone hates Valentineâ€™s Day is because they donâ€™t have a Valentine. They’re covering up the fact that they don’t have a date with the excuse that it’s not a real holiday or they don’t believe in how commercialized it is. Right. Because NO other holiday I can think of is commercialized. Then when they do have a date or a signifigant other on V-Day, they’re happier than Franklin at Snausage Hour.
Some people will tell you they’re not like that. They don’t EVER like Valentine’s Day. To me, these are the tremendously stupid. I can MAYBE see not liking it if you’re single and alone, MAYBE, but to actively be anti-V-day when you’re coupled? Get over yourself. Have some fun, be crazy.
I canâ€™t remember hating Valentineâ€™s Day ever. Itâ€™s great to see happy people everywhere at a time of the year other than Christmas or free cone day at Ben and Jerryâ€™s. Couples get an excuse to baby each other and the other cool thing is that gifts aren’t usually expensive. Some flowers, maybe some candy – I’m sure some people give really expensive stuff but I always look at Valentine’s Day as very much a “thought that counts” holiday.
Whenever I picture someone that hates Valentine’s Day, I always just think they must be a huge a jerk. Because if you can’t find a reason to be happy, then you might as well just die:
(Andy is walking down the street and runs into Person, who hates Valentine’s Day)
Person: (shouting) Get outta my way!
Andy: (shouting back) Are you talking to me?
Person: Stop shouting at me!
Andy: But you’re across the street and there is a lot of traffic!
Andy: Alright. I’m not sure why I am even talking to you.
Person: I hate Valentine’s Day!
Franklin: Oh, that’s terrible! Why do you hate Valentine’s Day?
Andy: Franklin, what are you doing over there?
Franklin: I’m talking to this guy!
Andy: I’m crossing the street.
Person: I hate Valentine’s Day because it’s so commercial! So I wear black! Because it’s awesome! And I am filled with hate!
Franklin: I’m filled with jelly beans!
Andy: Franklin! Who gave you jelly beans?!
Franklin: The Valentine’s Day bunny.
Andy: There is no such thing, Franklin.
Andy: The Easter Bunny gives out jelly beans. There is no bunny, or any other mammal in the leporidae family, associated with Valentine’s Day. Typically, it is a small baby that flies and shoots arrows of love into people – his name is Cupid.
Franklin: Maybe it was a turtle…
Person: Hey! Is anyone listening to me?!
Andy: A turtle?
Franklin: Yeah. Is there a Valentine’s Day turtle?
Andy: No. Just cupid.
Franklin: Well, I certainly would’ve noticed a flying rabbit shooting jelly beans at me.
Andy: No Franklin, it’s a flying baby shooting ar-
Franklin: If I could fly I wouldn’t shoot people with jellybeans. The potential for injury and liability there is just too great. I would just drop Snausages from above.
Andy: Probably a good plan Franklin.
Franklin: Probably! Well, I’m gonna go see if I can find that turtle who gave me the jelly beans again. He carries his house on his back!
Andy: *exasperated sigh*
Person: ….this conversation wasn’t about Valentine’s Day at all.
Andy: You’re still here?
Person: Yeah. But not for long. I’m going with that dog to see if I can help him find the Valentine’s Day Jelly Bean-dispensing flying rabbit-turtle-baby.
"said" woman says
I agree with you – what holiday isn’t commercialized? Valentine’s Day is great holiday…it’s just asking you to be sweet to somebody. Unlike a few other holidays that require you to invite dysfunctional people into your home, feed them, and buy them crap they wouldn’t want in the first place!!!!
Can Franklin come to New York?
The Brewer Patriot says
You know, turtles carry their homes on their back. They use the camoflauged hard shell as a natural defense against predators.
Also, free cone day was awesome. I heard Ben and Jerry’s is closing though.
Megan, Franklin really wants to come to New York. But I just got him a few seasons of Rin-tin-tin and Lassie to keep him company. Oh and Turner and Hooch, he loves that movie….and Snausages.
S-dub: Completely agree. Great minds.
Megan: Can he? Yes. Will he? No. If he did would you meet him? No. You lose!
Brewer: Hey guys, I’m makin’ breakfast. Anyone interested in some eggs?
I hate Valentine’s day. Even when I was with Stephen, I hated it.
Because of YOU, ANDY. Because of you.
Actually, I hate it because it makes me think of Necco Wafers and I hate that fucking candy.
i disagree. the best valentine’s day i ever had was when i was single. i hate valentines day when i’m with someone (well, hate is a bit too strong of a word) because the day never lives up to what you expect it or want it to be. you try so hard to be romantic and sexy and get the perfect gift, and, in the end, its just another day when you spent way too much money on dinner and drinks. especially frustrating is the fact that restaurants and EVEN grocery stores jack up prices on feb 14.
ps: i used to live across the street from the Necco wafer factory, and sometimes the whole street would smell like candy. but now, the building is a biotech firm. that should make superbee happy.