A lot of people think Valentineâ€™s Day is some ridiculous â€œHallmark Holidayâ€ and come up with various reasons to hate it. The problem is, the only real reason anyone hates Valentineâ€™s Day is because they donâ€™t have a Valentine. They’re covering up the fact that they don’t have a date with the excuse that it’s not a real holiday or they don’t believe in how commercialized it is. Right. Because NO other holiday I can think of is commercialized. Then when they do have a date or a signifigant other on V-Day, they’re happier than Franklin at Snausage Hour.
Some people will tell you they’re not like that. They don’t EVER like Valentine’s Day. To me, these are the tremendously stupid. I can MAYBE see not liking it if you’re single and alone, MAYBE, but to actively be anti-V-day when you’re coupled? Get over yourself. Have some fun, be crazy.
I canâ€™t remember hating Valentineâ€™s Day ever. Itâ€™s great to see happy people everywhere at a time of the year other than Christmas or free cone day at Ben and Jerryâ€™s. Couples get an excuse to baby each other and the other cool thing is that gifts aren’t usually expensive. Some flowers, maybe some candy – I’m sure some people give really expensive stuff but I always look at Valentine’s Day as very much a “thought that counts” holiday.
Whenever I picture someone that hates Valentine’s Day, I always just think they must be a huge a jerk. Because if you can’t find a reason to be happy, then you might as well just die:
(Andy is walking down the street and runs into Person, who hates Valentine’s Day)
Person: (shouting) Get outta my way!
Andy: (shouting back) Are you talking to me?
Person: Stop shouting at me!
Andy: But you’re across the street and there is a lot of traffic!
Andy: Alright. I’m not sure why I am even talking to you.
Person: I hate Valentine’s Day!
Franklin: Oh, that’s terrible! Why do you hate Valentine’s Day?
Andy: Franklin, what are you doing over there?
Franklin: I’m talking to this guy!
Andy: I’m crossing the street.
Person: I hate Valentine’s Day because it’s so commercial! So I wear black! Because it’s awesome! And I am filled with hate!
Franklin: I’m filled with jelly beans!
Andy: Franklin! Who gave you jelly beans?!
Franklin: The Valentine’s Day bunny.
Andy: There is no such thing, Franklin.
Andy: The Easter Bunny gives out jelly beans. There is no bunny, or any other mammal in the leporidae family, associated with Valentine’s Day. Typically, it is a small baby that flies and shoots arrows of love into people – his name is Cupid.
Franklin: Maybe it was a turtle…
Person: Hey! Is anyone listening to me?!
Andy: A turtle?
Franklin: Yeah. Is there a Valentine’s Day turtle?
Andy: No. Just cupid.
Franklin: Well, I certainly would’ve noticed a flying rabbit shooting jelly beans at me.
Andy: No Franklin, it’s a flying baby shooting ar-
Franklin: If I could fly I wouldn’t shoot people with jellybeans. The potential for injury and liability there is just too great. I would just drop Snausages from above.
Andy: Probably a good plan Franklin.
Franklin: Probably! Well, I’m gonna go see if I can find that turtle who gave me the jelly beans again. He carries his house on his back!
Andy: *exasperated sigh*
Person: ….this conversation wasn’t about Valentine’s Day at all.
Andy: You’re still here?
Person: Yeah. But not for long. I’m going with that dog to see if I can help him find the Valentine’s Day Jelly Bean-dispensing flying rabbit-turtle-baby.