The Hills.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my new apartment. My roommates are great. It’s so nice to come home and know that I will not be forced to stay in my room all night because some Euro-trash hippie and her retarded boyfriend are making out on the couch and playing “music” loudly while cooing at each other and fondling their rinky-dinks under a cover like two junior high-schoolers out of the spotlight of adult supervision for the first time. I don’t miss that. At all.

However my new, and generally terrific, roommate – we’ll call her Gerbils – Gerbils loves the show “The Hills.” I’m not sure if you’ve seen this show, probably not if you are male and operate under your own free will, but it is about a bunch of over-privledged rich, hot, white girls with killer internships at places talented and smart people would never get into (ie: the fashion and music industry). Then they all whine about how terrible their lives are.

What’s perhaps even more incredible, is the amount that all these “friends” hate each other and stab everyone in the back. The girl front and center in the picture seems to be the only regular and sane person on the show. And by regular and sane, I mean decent enough to be a good friend, who doesn’t go around banging all of her friends’ boyfriends, and smart enough to be able to at least show up to work and then actually do something. I’m okay with her…though I don’t know her name. Everyone else? Well, they’re all complete retards. With rich parents. They seem like the kind of people who say things like “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” and send their food back 15 times at a restaurant. And the guys these chicks date? Good lord – I haven’t seen so many frosted tips since I locked my last waiter in a freezer¹!

This show makes me puke. Thanks MTV, for ruining society and culture. I have a great concept for next season. Take the girls from the hills, enlist them in the Peace Corps, and then watch them slowly die in Africa from grody bugs and icky potties!

¹I know, I know.