I don’t consider myself a vain person, I’m way too awesome and handsome for that, but I like to google my name to see what links come up. Mostly, they deal with either my website, my job, ultimate frisbee, or playing trombone. But apparently I’ve acquired a brand new skill, the skill of Baptism. Yes, the last result on the first page of results resulting from a Google search comes up with the following:
If I were a Baptist, I like to think I’d be a pretty creative one. I’d be like a hip, new Baptist, not like John (Jesus’ cuz), who just took people to a river. LAME. First I’d get one of those floating basketball hoops. Then I’d figure out a way to light just the hoop part on fire. Next I’d grab the baby and say “You’re gonna get slammed dunked with God’s firey love!” The show would conclude with me leaping of a pier and slam-dunking the baby with Baptismal authority through the firey Jesus hoop.
I could also change it up. Like sometimes I’d shoot the trey and miss on purpose, and then jump off the pier and jam the baby after rebounding it. Other times I might ask for the assistance of a nun, or better yet, someone in the crowd, to alley-oop the little heathen to me while I slam it down into God’s pool of eternal life.
Rest assured I’d make the Baptism something to remember, not just some lame water splashing.