I would like to give a big middle-finger to Al Gore.
I suppose you want me to explain, in some entertaining fashion, why I don’t like Mr. Gore. Alright, fine, I will.
Aside from the fact that he is the most boring man alive and imposes his boring qualities on others (I mean, a movie about Global Warming? Next thing you know we’ll have a movie about saying “no” to drugs. And not one of those crappy, in-school only movies, but a crappy, big-budget hollywood movie) but he has ruined spring.
That’s right. Al Gore has ruined Spring.
It is mid-April and yesterday it was so freakin’ freezing outside I wanted to blow people’s brains out. You see, I don’t have SAD. I have SAD. The difference is in the A (isn’t it always?) – I get Seasonal Agressive Disorder. But you know what really gets my chickens in a stew? What really rains on my parade? What really Imuses my championship?
Today. On the Today Show. On the weather. I mean, it’s kind of like Al Gore wants me to throw my TV out the window. A Nor’Easter (which, by the way, I had never heard of until like last year. Did they even exist before then?) is coming our way. On Sunday. Lots of rain. Lots of snow.
I am SICK of the cold. And I am SICK of the rain and I certainly don’t want to see any more snow.
And the reason I blame Al Gore for all of this is because of his stupid movie and his stupid global warming activism. Because if he preached about global warming and it were actually hotter, then people would be like “that Al Gore, he really nailed that one on the head!” But that will never happen. Because Al Gore has the curse of the unsavory douchebag. He will never be right. No one will ever take him seriously, and he will always be that guy who is “ok, but pretty annoying after a while.”
I even remember years ago, the first time I saw him, thinking “This guy is just useless. I bet he’s never right about anything and that any idea he has is a bad idea.”
So thanks a lot Al Gore. Why don’t you go preach about how awesome it is to be fat? Then maybe lots of people will lose weight. Or make a movie about how cool it is to have aids, and I bet that will single-handedly provide the cure. I hate you Al Gore.