Why do people wear bluetooth headsets when they’re walking around? I can see using them in the car or possibly in the office, but just wandering around outside while your wife takes you shopping for fake bags and stupid sunglasses she’ll never wear? Useless.
Maybe they think it makes them look cool or hip or rich or something. Or perhaps these people are so lazy they never want to actually touch their phone…of course, you know if they’re that lazy they’re not going to bother figuring out how to use the voice-dial features. I don’t know…I have two bluetooth headsets and I haven’t used one since I crashed my car into a big pillar of common sense.
I suppose if you’re just leaving your office and going to your car you might want to leave your bluetooth headset on. If you’re not going far and you have a long commute or are playing hooky from work and need to be readily available should someone happen to call. But here in New York, people take it a step further. People wear their bluetooth headsets in the subway.
For those of you who aren’t privy of having a subway in your city, let me explain – nothing cellular works in a subway. If someone is “on the phone” in the subway they are either crazy, or they just HAPPENED to be at that ONE spot at 34th street where for some reason you get a tiny bit of signal, got a call, stupidly answered expecting to be able to chat thinking “This time will be different. This time it will last,” and then immediately lost signal and rather than looking stupid for having answered their phone in the subway, they pretend to continue to talk to the person who is no longer able to hear them.
So it baffles me when I saunter underground to find a myriad of people wearing Bluetooth headsets:
(Andy coming down the stairs and passing through the turnstyle and onto the subway platform…)
Bluetooth Guy: Hey! Look at me!
Andy: I’m sorry?
BG: I said ‘look at me!’ I have important calls to make!
Andy: …I see. Well….good luck…with all those calls…
BG: People need to be able to reach me at all times!
Andy: You must be very important.
BG: I am! I take the subway because I can’t afford to drive a car into the city each day!
Andy: But if people need to reach you at all times, then there’s a good amount of time you’re spending underground where there’s no cell phone signal.
BG: Oh, there’s a signal. I have one of those antennae-boosters from those info-mercials on my phone!
Andy: Those are proven to not work at all.
BG: It works!
Andy: Alright, make a call then.
BG: Right now?
Andy: Right now.
BG: Okay…just let me get out my phone…(reaches in pocket, takes out phone) Beepboopbweepbobeep!
Andy: …umm, I think you actually have to push the buttons. Not just make fake beeping noises.
BG: Hello, friend? Yes friend. No friend. Friends! Regards! Call’s done! (he puts his phone away)
Andy: …that was the fakest phone call of all time. You don’t have to say “Call’s done!” after the call is over. In fact, it sounded like you’ve never actually had a phone conversation before.
BG: But I…
Andy: Waaiiiit a minute. You HAVEN’T ever had a phone conversation before! It’s all a sham!
(subway train starts to pull into the station)
BG: NO! LOTS OF PEOPLE CALL ME! I AM IMPORTANT! BLUETOOTH!
Andy: I don’t believe you! I think you’re a big stupid liar who just thinks he looks cool wandering about with a bluetooth headset on!
BG: I…! I..!
(as the train gets closer, Bluetooth Guy tosses himself in front of it)
Andy: Wow! That was extreme, but probably for the best.