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Andy Lykens

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First impressions: And now, a chicken!

December 6, 2007 by Andy

Last night at Rafifi during a quick interlude between stand-up sets, I got up to refresh my beer. I stroll into the bar area after deciding that merely walking was no good. After all, there were countless hipsters about trying to tussle their hair so it was purposefully messy – I wanted to make a good impression.

As I made my way to the bar and got out my wallet, a girl stood to my left, and shortly thereafter a dude stood behind her. The bartender, pretty hot but pretty not-so-great at bar tending speed, came over and gave the three of us the “who’s next look?”

I tried to be nice and indicate the lady should go first, she tried to be nice and motion that I had the primo place in line, and during this nonsense the guy behind us goes ahead and orders his drink:

Andy: Uh, what?

Girl: Did that guy just cut BOTH of us?

Andy: Oh, Jesus, you’re cut? (checks himself for lacerations) No, no I seem to be okay…thank God!

Girl: What?

Andy: I can’t get cut, I am too pretty. You are…well you’re about a 6. Probably would just add a little intrigue.

Girl: That is quite possibly the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Andy: Wow, I find that hard to believe.

Girl: Asshole!

Andy: Kiss me!

Girl: Ew no! I’m leaving!

Naturally the conversation didn’t really go like that. But long story short, she turned down me buying her a drink after essentially chatting me up. How weird is that? From now on, my first impression will just be to cluck and flap my arms like wings.

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