The kind of day where I wake up, take a deep breathe and calmly pound my alarm clock into smithereens. It’s cold outside. It’s cold inside. Brushing my teeth is just scratching my gums for all I can tell and the shower water isn’t quite as scorching hot as I’d like it to be. Maybe it’s the ice water running through my veins, who knows?
Morning television fluff that I watch every morning seems softer than usual – cancer survivors, “talented” children, how to dress for holiday parties. My brain just writhing in it’s own cynicism and spewing garbage at me already.
Walking to work is uneventful but surreal. So many people. Everywhere. Everywhere! I’m not walking faster than any of them today. My brain is on auto-pilot. Actually, it’s on Metheney-pilot. “Secret Story” is really helping me appreciate the city today in its hugeness while part of me hates that someone is that good at playing guitar that they are able to help me realize things. To me those people are separated. And I hate that I am not separated – not for money or fame, but I want to be that good at something too.
I just don’t know what.
So it is that kind of day. The wholeness and completeness of not knowing what. Ever. Why even bother going to work? It’s so stupid. What I do, what my friends do, maybe what you do. So very, very stupid. Even fun is stupid. It’s ridiculous! No hunting, no gathering, shelter’s easy enough…so what else is there? Sales reports? Don’t make me barf.
Find someone! Commiserate with someone else who doesn’t know what the hell is going on. That’ll help! Have a baby! Project things onto it so it, too, can one day not understand what the point of being so very, very stupid is. No thanks.
Then I saw a puppy. A lab puppy. Maybe it didn’t click when I smiled just from seeing it but it certainly clicked at some point (or maybe it clacked). Just be stupid and try to have fun enjoying smelling things and walking around.
If you need me, try my cell phone. Chances are I will be wandering around smelling things…after I get these sales reports done anyway.