Hey, hey there buddy. How’s it going? I hope you’re doing well. No, no I don’t think we’ve met – I’d certainly remember. Anyway listen I just wanted to express a concern I’ve had lately. Well, you see, I’m a site-meter junkie. I chronically check it just like email or MySpace or my other email or my blog comments or Engadget Mobile.*
Anyway, I’ve noticed you’ve been stopping by a lot. You’re spending a lot of time going through my relatively poor posts and reading up on my ridiculous stories and dialouges. I appreciate that, I really do. But I can’t help but think that, being the head of a multi-million dollar clothing corporation, your time would be better spent…oh I don’t know, coming up with more ways to put guys on horses onto shirts.
Maybe you can come up with longer collars, extra buttons, or, you know what? If you like my blog so much, maybe you could dedicate a clothing line to me somehow. Instead of a man on a horse playing some fru-fru horse-sport, why not the silhouette of me? Just sort of standing there and waving. Or maybe with my hands in my pockets.
Are you feeling a little lonely? I care about you Ralph. Don’t waste away sitting at your computer all day. The love you’ll receive from my blog isn’t worth it; it comes at too high a price. If you just need a friend you can email me, maybe we can catch a ball game and have some hot dogs. I know what it’s like to be lonely in a big city Mr. Lauren, but, well spending 3 hours on my blog looking at almost 20 pages…you must be deeply depressed.
Look at the very least go out, get some sun on your face, some wind in your hair. I know your kids are really stupid and annoying but reading blogs about Jesus selling Lime-Bars all day isn’t going to solve your problems. Maybe you could even play some polo. Whatever makes you smile, that’s what I want to see you do.
Anyway buddy, I hope things are okay. Good luck with the ol’ needle and thread.
*Yes, still waiting for a new phone…yes, still a huge nerd.