I’m at a breaking point, in a good way. Shoving back for once. Realizing potential for once. I’ve stared so long over the cliff that the chasm is starting to seem too deep to do any damage, or a mirage meant to trick my brain and keep me from jumping. I’m getting a feeling like taking this plunge will be more like falling up. Falling up at a rate faster than I can imagine, whisking me towards an infinite liberation painted by starry skies. Not that I don’t have to prepare for clouds, rain, and even thunder but those things are on their way down. And I’m falling up past them and through them.

There’s a fire. It started a long time ago in the recesses of my mind, a spark I thought I could ignore. But it’s been spreading. It’s made me jittery and afraid as I stand next to this chasm-mirage because there is no where to go. It’s been getting more and more virulent. Spreading rapidly, lighting everything ablaze. It’s everywhere now and all it wants is to throw me over that ledge, and up into the chasm. It shouts at me:

“What are you doing?”

“What’s taking so long?”

“Just jump!”

And more of the same. It’s talking so loudly now; over the part of me pleading to keep holding on. That if I let go I’ll surely plummet into the depths of the unknown forever scarred, maimed and forgotten.

It shouts that I’m already scarred. That I’ve already been maimed and limping about for years. And to be forgotten surely you have to make yourself known first.

So here I am, caught at the edge of a chasm. And everything is catching on fire.

This morning something occurred to me that sums up my feelings about goals, creativity, and life in general. Initially I was surprised that it took me so long to have this realization, but after closer examination and using the keen perspective of hindsight it appears I haven’t been focused on much of anything until about 9 months ago.

What I’m talking about is pursuit. Naturally we all know the infamous ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,’ but what occurred to me finally, at the age of 28 (28!) is the pursuit. The pursuit of it.

What an amazing word and an amazing phrase: The pursuit of happiness. Not the hopes of happiness, not the dreams or the goal setting or the ambition of happiness. The pursuit of happiness.

It’s a great phrase because pursuit indicates forward motion. It indicates action. Going after something, working, being active towards achieving something. Then I understood everything I’ve read lately and everything I’ve achieved and not achieved and why it did or didn’t happen. And it all boils down to pursuit.

Pursuit is the reason I hate television. It’s the reason I don’t want to be surrounded by negative people, uncreative people, and people who make excuses, fear failure, or create limits and barriers for themselves and others.

Pursuit does not allow room for any of those things to be substantial. It obliterates them. It is the ultimate problem solver.

In my efforts to be more positive, more helpful, more creative, and in general happier, I’m going to start applying the pursuit rule to my life by simply asking myself:

Am I truly pursuing my happiness right now?

To be quite honest, I’m scared. There are a lot of things that I am not pursuing right now, or that I don’t pursue enough and there are a lot of things I do that distract me from pursuing happiness. This is new for me – for years believing that anyone can achieve anything, yes, but believing and pursuing are two different things. Believing is easy. Pursuing is work.

I’m starting small and I’m starting today. One phone call, ten more minutes of time, a few more steps in the right direction. In a year I hope to be in a full sprint, ahead of the pack and running up front with the winners; those who are happy because they pursue it. I want to leave the dreamers behind once and for all.

A friend of mine sent me an email earlier today linking to this article. I just wanted to post a little something to let you all know how smart I am.

The unemployment rate is currently at 8.1% That’s the U3 index – not the U6. Which basically means that it doesn’t include all the people who were not working for various reasons like maternity leave, having been in prison, having already been unemployed, working part time, etc. The U6 is more like 15%.

In the nation’s history, we have had 10 months with similar statistics in the past 30 years. 4 of them were the past 4 months in a row.

I heard this news today on NPR’s money podcast and having just returned from Italy I can’t help but think ‘so what?’ Not because I’m some cruel person, not because I have my job and don’t care about others, but having just spent the last 8 days marveling at works created by Donatello, Michelangelo, Giotto, and other ninja turtles, I began to wonder: How does this recession affect the arts?

Think about it. Millions of people out of work. Millions of people who might play piano or guitar or song-write in their spare time. Millions who gave up their dream of painting, sculpting, or singing because it couldn’t earn them money.

Now faced with only the prospect of job-hunting and idle hands, how many people will return to the pen and the page after spending a few hours monotonously tweaking resumes and making phone calls to prospective employers?

Could this recession yield a new renaissance in American art? Will the next Beatles form or the next Michelangelo emerge? Will people start drawing ideas from the collective human subconscious now freed from the bonds of constantly seeking money be suddenly flooded with desire and passion for something more creative than a spreadsheet?

Granted not everyone will have the means to buy paints or instruments but my thinking is we’ll see an influx of musicians, artists, writers, and thinkers dedicating a much more significant portion of time to what was once their hobby. It will be interesting to see what impact the recent economic downfall has on our artforms, and I for one and am excited at the possibility of the results.

This is easily the greatest 20 minutes of I spent of my life in the past year, and one of the BEST orations I’ve ever seen. If you do anything creative, watch it.

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

— Anne Morriss