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Andy Lykens

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I Am Awesome

June 20, 2006 by Andy

I am fucking awesome at peeling oranges. I’m not sure how I acquired this skill or to which recessive gene I owe my gratitude, but peeling oranges is just my thing.

Some people really struggle. While they’re chipping away and getting little orange-peel nubs stuck under their finger nails, my peel quickly glides away from the orange. It’s like the orange is saying to me “Andy, you are so sexy. I would like to reveal myself to you in the most sensual way I can.” And then I’m all like “Orange, you are such a slut…but only for me. And I love you.”

The next time you’re jamming your thumb into an orange or considering saying “fuck it” and cutting it into wedges, consider my proximity. Not only will it save your day, but it’s really just a breathtaking thing to behold.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ashburnite says

    June 21, 2006 at 8:29 am

    haha!! “Orange, you are such a slut” hehe…

    so the next time I need to peel an orange, are you going to come down here and help me?

  2. Raincouver says

    June 21, 2006 at 8:56 am

    Who knew thumb dexterity was such a skill! But evidently, there’s a lady in distress west of Sterling that may need your assistance! You may just make the trip…

  3. Ashburnite says

    June 21, 2006 at 10:03 am

    hehe..yes, there may be someone just west of Sterling who could use some help from a guy with good hands :-)

  4. Andy says

    June 21, 2006 at 11:30 am

    Ash 1 – I just said consider my proximity. If I’m around I’ll do it. But a special trip just to peel an orange? Don’t be ridiculous.

    Raincouver – Why are you answering for me about making trips? I live in New York. I can barely afford a trip on the subway!

    Ash 2 – You’re a real comments-flirt aren’t you? I see you on Dade’s all the time. I’m not falling for it…where the hell is Sterling anyway?

  5. Ashburnite says

    June 21, 2006 at 11:37 am

    I’m the comments flirt? you left me a comment about who gets to see where you sleep :-) I only flirt with the cuties, if that makes you feel any better. Sterling is close to where I live

  6. Andy says

    June 21, 2006 at 11:47 am

    I don’t remember leaving any such comment. You must be imagining things.

  7. Raincouver says

    June 21, 2006 at 1:35 pm

    Andy – busted on that comment thing!! I too saw that one about the mattress.

    Once you get the Feb commissions you’ll have to jump on the Acela and find Ashburn, VA on the map. Hey- there’s great crabcakes!

  8. Andy says

    June 21, 2006 at 6:14 pm

    All I said was I don’t have a bed, and that I need to buy a mattress. I fail to see how that is comment-flirting. Ash just wishes I was. hehe.

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